10 April: Almost there!

Dear dairy I’ve neglected you again but on the brighter side, I’m here! Ops, sorry not sorry but what a busy period for me. Focusing on my school studies and just 10 more days till it is all over!!! Also having my presentation on this Thursday so I need all the luck and support from you guys ): Hahaha, I’ll just do my best and see how things go. I wanna finish my foundation studies and move on to diploma already, come on I can do this! At the same time also coping with my Coffee Master studies and this is very tiring and hard to balance. Altogether I have work and 2 things to study for, my school studies and Coffee Master studies. All of these is tiring as f*ck but I’m almost there, I can do it and I will.

And OH it’s already April and this is my first April post….. Time is passing really fast, I must be too busy living my life I didn’t keep track of the time at all! To think of it, I’m really speechless and shocked whenever I check the calendar because it feels like days are skipping….. I have no idea how to explain but time is just passing by too fast, so fast, super fast I can’t explain this feeling of how fast time is passing by…. Just OMG.

Priorities, so important to me but sometimes I just get really lazy and do shit like not doing shit at all. Get your shit together boy! And to all of you guys, all the best in what y’all doing and don’t give up, don’t ever give up. Persevere and you will see results, if you slack behind like me y’all gonna regret and time is not gonna slow down or rewind for you. Time is a sucky thing and we all have a love-hate relationship with it. Live your life right, don’t waste time doing nothing and make everyday productive! I’m still learning and on the way to becoming a better and more productive person. That’s why I’m juggling so many things like working and studying so many things at a go, trying my best to be productive but what I hope is I don’t fall from juggling because it is gonna be real shitty. But I always believed in myself and always believed that I can, so I’m gonna do this!!! Better days are coming, holidays are also coming so I have to do well and go through 2 more weeks of hell before the better days come. If you’re having a hard time, pull through it because you’ve come too far to quit, you’re almost there and you can do it LET’S GO!!!!

Lastly, emotions are fine these days. Just wanna share something today and that is to love yourself. Alright, imagine you have no money and you wanna give money. Same thing for love, you gotta love yourself before you can love the people around you. I’ve always worked for the “money” so that I can give it to whoever I want to give rather than working for myself, so whenever the person I wanna give the money to is gone, my purpose of working for money is gone too and then I’ll be broke. I’m not saying you can’t do that but it’s unhealthy to love when you have none to give. Loving yourself isn’t easy when you’re used to loving others more than yourself, but you have to truly love yourself before you can truly love others. I don’t wanna be broke when I’m all alone, I wanna work for myself and have that “money” for myself rather than just working to give it away. I’m learning and glad to share it with you guys.

Value yourselves people.

x

25 March: Break Week

Hellllllllllo people, hello dear dairy. It took me awhile to be back here writing to you but damn. No excuses but I’ll explain myself. I’m tired and that’s not an excuse but I’m just tired. I went to Batam exactly a week ago. Had freaking fun there with all the drinks and wakeboarding but didn’t take many photos or anything, but memories last forever. I’ll have them in my head forever and I love having fun living the dream and being at somewhere worries doesn’t exist.

But damn, I was stuck in my fantasy. My horoscope is Pisces and that’s what we do every time, I dream too big and too much but I love the idea of it. Especially when I’m living it by going on a vacation and having short getaways, I tend to be stuck in the trip even when my ass is back home. And I always take a very long time to actually get back on my feet, be it falling down or coming back to face reality.

Brings me to another point is falling down and breaking down. Last few weeks haven’t been going very well for me mentally and physically with the exceptions of some days where I really had fun with my friends and family, my birthday of course. I was still hanging over about my birthday and now this Batam trip… I love days like that but me getting back up on my feet and facing reality takes a good week at least. Yea it had been real tiring for me so far and after the Batam trip, my body just couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t  just my mind playing with me but this time round my body was legit down. Broke down. Not to mention I was already mentally down and BOOM there I go. I died. This week was really tough for me but I’m back on my feet again. Thanks, and friends! I wasn’t expecting anyone to actually care about me but you guys did and I appreciate it so freaking much. Beautiful people y’all really touched my heart )’: Thank you all so so so so so so so so so so much again. So yea lets not talk about how down I was this week where I cried and broke down everywhere about some dream I had but couldn’t have it back, some fantasy, some fun.

Let’s talk about where I am today! I’m feeling better and I believe I will get better from now on! Really happy to have someone that motivates and helps me along, the thing is I had one all along but never really appreciated. But you know, we all make mistakes and I made mine, a painful one. Well, there is where I’ll actually learn and start appreciating. Appreciate everything and everyone even more now, used to always say I appreciate everything, but not really the right way. Mistakes are lessons learnt and I hope that I learn without making mistakes from now on because I made too many mistakes. I just wanna be happy and nice, to everyone and about everything. Missed school for so many days and thank freaking god I haven’t got a warning letter but I hope it stays that way because next week onwards NO MORE BULLSHIT from me. I really had enough of myself every single time saying the same thing but doing another, disappointing people again and yet again. I NEED to stop it. I am full of shit and I hate myself about it, I know about it but I’m not doing shit about it, isn’t that another shit about me? I go really hard on myself for many things but I don’t when it comes to myself, I let my lazy self take over me every time and dream all day. I really want to put that thought into action but I haven’t been doing it. So f*ck you Wayne, piece of shit better buck the f*ck up.

Gotta focus on my priorities, I have so much to do but so little time left. My school studies, Coffee Master, this dairy and my skinny ass. But this week I’ve been thinking about the things I really liked and would like to do again. Learn languages, pick up the guitar again and the ball life ): BASKETBALL! Would love to do it again but now is not the time, gotta focus on my 4 priorities for now. My school is a month away from exams and holiday so that is my first priority. My Coffee Master’s exam is on 20th April, second priority. This dairy and my bony body is my 3rd. The rest can wait and there are so many things I waaaaaaaaaaanna do but NOT NOW…..

Been whining and f*cking a lot of shit up this week and this shall stop. I will not let this Wayne take over me, I will stay motivated and hungry. I’m sure there are people that gave up on me, but I don’t blame any of them because I would’ve done the same too. I always learn & experience things the hard way so I actually dislike those who go easy on me because I’m used to having it the hard way so if you go easy on me I’ll simply take advantage of you and do shit to disappoint you again. I lost so many people’s trust and the only thing I can do now is to really do it instead of talking shit. But I hope I’ll learn it the easy way, I don’t wanna be so f*cked up anymore because the hard way hurts a lot.

On a side note, March is coming to an end ): My month is saying it’s farewell and only coming back next year while everyone is one step closer to their month and day. Really happy and thankful for the days I had fun, days that will never happen again. I’ll love the moment forever and remember it forever, it is sad to say goodbye to days like that but I have to. Every goodbye is sad because nothing guarantees another hello and for days like this, it is goodbye forever. I really hope to cherish every day as much as I could rather than letting time slip away. Been feeling sad about days ending because time isn’t slowing down at all for anyone, especially me. Time is ticking, everyone is ageing and dates are coming closer. We’ll meet new people, we’ll separate, we’ll be married one day without us even realising. We might just meet fate again. Live in the moment and cherish what you have, you never know what is happening next, life is unpredictable.

appreciative x

04 March: It’s my day!

Damn, it took me long enough to come back to my diary. So so sorry baby diary ): Lemme bring you around to see what’s up on my 18th B I R T H D A Y 2017!!!So this is actually the place where my birthday celebration was at. Damn I feel so happy and sad when leaving, D’Resort will always be a special place to me…. So on my birthday and throughout the preparation, I had a great and helpful friend name Valerie! The lady on my left, helped me out with so much shit and I started to call her Manager. So much credits to you girl, thank you so much for the help and I really appreciate a great nonsense friend like you…. Birthday party was great and thank you Valerie again!!!All my friends from Christ Church Secondary School, phew secondary school days passed so quickly I can’t keep up with it, and I AM 18 ALREADY!!!???

Family comes first, I’m very soft spoken at home and with family. Used to be the annoying little one but somehow I became really quiet. Maybe I’m more matured? Hmmm or just anti-social or rude….? I have no idea but for one thing I’m sure about is that I love my family, whatever I do or say, whether I show it or not, I really love and appreciate every single one of my family!!!!Here I have my buddies from Basketball Team Christ Church, secondary school life been all about basketball, without you guys Basketball wouldn’t be fun at all. Thankful for the trainings, bonding and hardship we been through together, appreciate and so so thankful again for all the time we spend hopelessly balling all day everyday. And this ones to our everlasting bond!!!!More funny classmates from Christ Church, gotta do a comparison of us when we first met and now. Feeling like a father seeing my kids grow up and facing life. Proud, thankful and appreciate this bunch of monks. Cheers to our friendship that is stupidly funny and days together we spent laughing our ass off doing stupid shit or talking about how we annoyed our teachers!!!!My Mummy, to be honest this one is all to her. Everything, my birthday. It is her that is everything, so thankful for my Mummy for always having my back even when I don’t tell her what’s going on, appreciate her so much but I was never one to show or tell her. I love her so much and it is because of her I’m celebrating my BIRTHday. On my birthday, I send her a text thanking and apologising for the trouble and pain of raising me up, she told me it was worth it (cry now? so f*cking touched and thankful). She is the reason why I am here today. Thank you Mummy and I love you so much!!!!My buddies that rocked my life up and under with stupidest jokes, one big family from different class, different school and different places. But we still got together. I guess fate brought as all together to be one big family. Can’t thank you guys enough for having my back but still thank you all!!!!My Starbucks workmates from my first store and current, work is always fun for me! So thankful that y’all didn’t give up tolerating my nonsense and actually laughed at my jokes!! Who knew working will bring me such nice and caring people that help me through tough times into my life, appreciate them so much!!!!Last but not least, these bunch of monkeys that stayed at the chalet after I f*cked up. Thank you all for staying and packing all the rubbish and my stuff, feels great to have so many servant for a day HAHAHA! I hope I didn’t miss out anyone in this section, a thousand apologies if I did. Appreciate every single one of you and love you all so so so so much!!!!

Man, I felt myself on my birthday. I love the day, not because of MY BIRTHDAY. But because I got to see every single one of you, my family, my friends, brothers and literally everyone. I felt so good with everyone around, everyone I can talk to and give a hug to. Seeing you all enjoy the food and friend meeting up after so long, I felt like I’ve done something great. This one is really for the big family = you guys, not for me (that’s how I feel). For all of you, my lovely fam. I was happy that I exchanged almost all of my money (for the chalet, food and everything) for what I’ve gotten on that day, company, care, love and rewinded time. Bringing all my friends back like how we used to hang out, catching up, showing some love here and there. So thankful, and appreciate it so damn much. It was freaking fun to have my friends and family all around and being able to spend time with every single one of you. I freaking appreciate the effort for those who came, also for those who wished me. I love that day again because of my mummy and you guys. All of you are my MVP but gotta let y’all know, my mummy still the bestest MVP. 

Also wanna apologise about how small the chalet is, heard that the food was good but didn’t get to eat so I hope it made up a little!! So sorry some had no place to sit…. Also sorry if it was messy and I was all over the place. Just know that I’m really happy you came and thankful, also know that I want to talk to you if I didn’t…. Was running all around. But I still freaking love you guys!!!! Really can’t explain how happy I was that night, and really sad that it is over….

If I missed out something, let me know and I will either update it in this post or the next one, thanks!

To many more times like this 

x